“Is there another life? Shall I awake and find all this a dream? There must be, we cannot be created for this sort of suffering.”
Listening: MCR, The Doors, IAMX, Blonde Redhead
Craft: crochet beanies, paper mache doll
I have no direction with this site, but I come here with a purpose. When I was a teenager, I used to try to find answers to my depression in the random sites that used to populate most of the web. You know, the ones originating from the 2000s with the very basic coding and low-quality graphics and horrid color palettes. There was one site I used to check daily - though it never updated - with a black background and red text, populated almost entirely with quotes from Daria and Prozac Nation. I had never seen Daria, I had never read Prozac Nation, but I memorized the quotes listed on the website. It was the one source I could find that reflected my depression.
Now I'm an adult. And the depression never left.
What did leave was the old web. A blessing (the exponentially growing resources on mental health) and a curse (social media). I miss the quiet pockets of the internet that served no purpose, the ones populated with meaningless text and edgy coding that anyone could learn, the accessibility and the anonymity. The internet thriving now is not an easy one, I'm searching for my quiet corner where the "doom" cannot seep in and I can process my internal in peace.I suspect that this little site will be home to many things. It's not just the reminder of my teenage years sifting through independent sites such as this, not just the diary that attests to my sadness and growth. It shall also house my crafts, my writings, my aesthetics, those fascinations which I hold dear.
And if you, my reader, wish to ever reach out, you may find me still at black-turtles on tumblr. I wish you the best.